Thoughts.
OUR LIVES BEGIN TO END THE DAY WE BECOME SILENT ABOUT THINGS THAT MATTER.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
8/26/2017 2 Comments ChangeSome wild things have happened this week. As a result, I've decided to quit drinking for a while. I don't know how long this will continue, but I have to make sure my head is in the right place before I will allow myself to start back. Along with that, I have to take a bit to figure out how to get my future pointed in the direction I want to go. Shreveport may be home, but this is not a place I plan to stay forever. Nate and I have put a two year limit on our time here. After that we plan to move. Right now we're just looking at places, nothing is set in stone except for the fact that we're getting out of here.
On another note, my car will be out of commission for a bit. A big thanks to my family and friends that have been there this week. I'm so blessed with love and acceptance. I truly wouldn't be where I am without y'all. Finally, I'd like to say thanks to one of my best friends, Nayyar, for picking up his phone and messaging me. Wow. Thanks. Keep it up... seriously though.
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I'm spent.I feel so spent right now. I cried a couple times today, not because anyone was mean or they upset me. I cried because a friend and I talked about a couple things lately that've been hard for me. Today was a good day until I cried... since then I've been mostly exhausted.
I know that crying is a normal thing people do and it can sometimes make people feel better. However, it is not a normal thing for me. Crying physically exhausts me. It emotionally exhausts me. If I were to sit around one day and cry off and on all day, I would probably need a full day afterwards to sleep it all off. I've had people say things like "It's not healthy to never cry" or "You need to allow yourself to feel your feelings/process your feelings/etc"... all of that might be true for other people, but crying all the time isn't an option for me. I feel physically ill now because I cried earlier. MY BODY DOES NOT DO WELL AFTER FEELING OVERWHELMED LIKE THAT! Recently I had I friend die. She was originally a teacher of mine, but we grew to be friends and I valued her so very much. When I found out she'd passed away, I wept. However, the crying allowed me to mourn the loss of her life and process that situation. That is one of the rare cases when crying does not wear me out. Crying then actually helped a lot. In normal situations where I have not lost something, I am usually just in a tricky situation or a stressful thing has happened, crying does not help. It stresses me out and adds to my already full plate. This is something I learned about myself today. I had an inkling before, but today really drove that inkling home. It's for sure now. |