Thoughts.
OUR LIVES BEGIN TO END THE DAY WE BECOME SILENT ABOUT THINGS THAT MATTER.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
1/28/2018 0 Comments RadatatAm I keeping you from healing?
At this point I don’t know. I’m where they all fall, smack dab at your feet. Hoping, wishing that you’ll stay. But who am I to keep you? Should I push you away? Then again it’s not my job to caudle. I was raised to slay. I’m selfish and I am strong. I know what I want! And it’s you. My selfish side wants to make everyone else fight for it. It makes me want to tell you every feeling I have, so you know what I’m going through... So you have to decide what to do. But that’s wrong? The logical side of me says keep a level head. Don’t share too much! It’s begging me to put up a wall, to let you go out and explore! Push you to fuck that whore! The logic in me knows we all need time to find our feet and heal. But the selfish side of me wants this to be real. I want this to be as real for you as it is for me, but this is where both my sides meet. Logically I shouldn’t hold on so tight. I shouldn’t ask so much. I should insist you go out more, to talk to the slores. Ha! But selfishly here I am, telling you what I want, expressing all I feel. And while it eats me alive that you might not reciprocate, here I stay. Killing myself, burning and burying my heart just to find out. My selfish side takes over because I’ve fucking earned this. I know what I want and I fucking deserve it. I hate that we met when we did. But such is life. I’ll do this like I do everything... the hard way. I love strife. And although this is going to hurt, I’m stronger than this and I. WILL. MAKE IT. Even if it does burn. I will triumph. I will win. Whether it’s with you by my side or if I lose you in this fight, I will. still. win. Because I am me and I am awesome. It’s who I am and who I always will be. Til the day my story ends. This is what you want and probably what you need. Go sleep with others just so you can see. I’m the whole package. I’m all of it, hmm that’s me. I’d like to be here to stay but fuck around too long and I’ll be gone. I have too much to offer to stay and feel played. I can give you the moon. I‘ll help all my partners dreams come true. There’s no set time. We’ll just have to see, if this can work out and if we can be.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
I'm spent.I feel so spent right now. I cried a couple times today, not because anyone was mean or they upset me. I cried because a friend and I talked about a couple things lately that've been hard for me. Today was a good day until I cried... since then I've been mostly exhausted.
I know that crying is a normal thing people do and it can sometimes make people feel better. However, it is not a normal thing for me. Crying physically exhausts me. It emotionally exhausts me. If I were to sit around one day and cry off and on all day, I would probably need a full day afterwards to sleep it all off. I've had people say things like "It's not healthy to never cry" or "You need to allow yourself to feel your feelings/process your feelings/etc"... all of that might be true for other people, but crying all the time isn't an option for me. I feel physically ill now because I cried earlier. MY BODY DOES NOT DO WELL AFTER FEELING OVERWHELMED LIKE THAT! Recently I had I friend die. She was originally a teacher of mine, but we grew to be friends and I valued her so very much. When I found out she'd passed away, I wept. However, the crying allowed me to mourn the loss of her life and process that situation. That is one of the rare cases when crying does not wear me out. Crying then actually helped a lot. In normal situations where I have not lost something, I am usually just in a tricky situation or a stressful thing has happened, crying does not help. It stresses me out and adds to my already full plate. This is something I learned about myself today. I had an inkling before, but today really drove that inkling home. It's for sure now. |