Thoughts.
OUR LIVES BEGIN TO END THE DAY WE BECOME SILENT ABOUT THINGS THAT MATTER.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
8/4/2015 0 Comments Procrastination...I waited too long and now I have so much to say. I don't know where to begin....
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7/17/2015 0 Comments Oh Man...I am so lost... No time now. Will expand and update later. Just know that every day I feel a bit like this: 6/6/2015 0 Comments A Quickie...So I don't have much time, but I wanted to go say something about a topic that's been viral around me lately... the LGBT community. Whether it's Ireland legalizing gay marriage, Westboro Baptist's ridiculousness, Gov. Bobby Jindal's executive order promoting discrimination, or Caitlyn Jenner's beautiful reveal; lately there's been a lot of things putting this community into the spotlight. It's probably a bit obvious from my last sentence which side I'm on, but incase you're still unsure please know I side with the rainbow. Despite my southern Baptist upbringing, I can't help but love this community. It hurts me to see so many people being hateful towards them. I can't bring myself to say homosexuality is a sin because I believe people are truly born the way they are. I believe my friend Hunter was born the way he is and he almost destroyed his life trying to fight it. I also believe Caitlyn Jenner was born to be who she is today. However, even if you think their lifestyle is a sin, are you not sinful as well? What about your gluttony, white lies, gossip,the judgement you pass on others?? Are those things not wrong as well? Who are you, who am I, who is anyone to judge these people? We have no right to judge or condemn them! My wonderful aunt just sent me an article about Caitlyn Jenner that I loved, so I'm going to share the link below. I have to go now or else I'll miss the Pride in the Park event, but I'll end with this.. Regardless on your views on whether it's right or wrong to be homosexual, can you ask yourself what YOU will be judged for when you die? Because I know the God I serve is not going to pat someone on the back because they said hateful things, discriminated, or passed judgement. Who do you serve? 6/1/2015 0 Comments Late Night Update!First things first, I finally chose a major! Yay! I’m getting my undergraduate in SOCIOLOGY. I’m so excited about it! In an attempt to hit the ground running, I’m taking two online summer classes, a history and an English. I like both of those subject so the transition back into being a student should be relatively easy. I still need to meet face to face with an advisor to talk about exactly how long it’ll take me to finish, but I’ve been talking to one via email and so far so good. I’m excited that I'll need some foreign language classes for this degree because I’ve wanted to take FRENCH for a while (and I didn’t have an excuse to take it before), BUT all LSUS offers is SPANISH. I’m upset about feeling forced to take a certain language. But... it’s not like I didn’t want to learn Spanish. I just wanted to learn French first and don’t like feeling forced into things! (Obviously!)
The next part requires a bit of background. If you’ve known me for any length of time, you probably know my mom and I have had a rocky relationship for the last 6-7 years. Granted we’ve been getting better in the last year. However, out of nowhere something really weird started happening a couple weeks ago… I started to miss my mom. Like really, really miss her. So I start trying to get a hold of her, but all of these ridiculous situations keep stopping me from talking to her. And every time I can't get a hold of her, it just makes me miss her more. Finally I can talk to to her; she picks up the phone and says “Hello.” Instantly I'm sobbing! I don't know if I've ever been so relieved to her her voice. I must’ve looked like a lunatic. I’m sobbing one moment, calm the next, and laughing hysterically two seconds later. I'd had such a long week up until that point, but suddenly that didn't matter because talking to my mom was exactly what I needed at that moment. I told her all the cool things that happened in the last few months, about choosing my major, finding the right counselor for me, my new place, the books I've been reading, my latest hopes and dreams... I told her everything. Whew. My major and my mom were the two big things I wanted to post on here, but before I go to bed... I’d like to address my last post. It was a celebratory post of HB 707 [Hate Bill 707] being voted down. Then BOBBY FREAKING JINDAL turns right around and PASSES AN EXECUTIVE ORDER that’s the SAME thing AS HB 707! WHAT THE CUSS? Was there a mob of angry, homophobic hillbillies waiting by your car, Bobby? What the hell kind of argument can be made FOR this kind of legislature? Was someone like… “First we’re making them cakes, next they’re married, THEN THEY’RE PILLAGING VILLAGES!“ ??? This only feeds my need to get out of here and travel far away. I must sleep now, but I'm finally setting aside time to sit down and read Bobby's executive order word for word tomorrow (Tuesday). That should be fun.. *rolls eyes* I'm too tired to care how I end this entry, so.... Goodnight. 5/23/2015 0 Comments Good NEWS!!HB 707 has been voted down! Also, Mayor Mitch Landrieu passed an order in New Orleans that specifically speaks out against discrimination. His executive order notes that while religious freedom is important to the city of New Orleans, discrimination of any kind will not be tolerated: “The purpose of this Executive Order is to confirm for the residents of the City of New Orleans, its businesses and visitors that religious beliefs are protected from unjustified governmental burden, but that there is no tolerance in the City of New Orleans for discrimination on the basis of race, creed, national origin or ancestry, color, religion, gender or sex, sexual orientation, gender identification, marital or domestic partner status, age, physical condition or disability.” Click HERE to read the full order. We should all focus on showing love, compassion, and understanding to others instead of trying to force individual beliefs on them. It is not our job to pass judgment or to discriminate.
When will we learn? Have we not seen religion breed hatred throughout history? Is this what God wants? Christ says repeatedly in the New Testament that our job is to love others. Who did he hang out with? Who did he make his closest friends? The word “Christian” mean follower of Christ. How are we following him if we are not following his teachings? If you truly believe he is the Son of God, wouldn’t you say there have been no greater, more important words spoken than those of the man who has a direct link to God himself? Why have we become so wrapped up in this crap we call religion? I think it’s great to have a personal, spiritual relationship with God and it’s great to have others to share that with… But why have we let that become what it is? People came to America to avoid persecution for their beliefs. That little freedom of religion section wasn’t designed to keep prayer in or out of schools. It wasn't created to make children to pledge allegiance to a nation under God. It was mandated so that we wouldn’t end up with leaders given names like “Bloody Mary” for their murderous reputation! Yet, still we continue on with our judgment of others and our religious clichés. It’s time to learn our lesson at last. Live a life of love, unconditional love! Actions speak louder than words, so how loud would a nation of people who love unconditionally be? 5/12/2015 0 Comments A Month LaterBonjour, mon ami! I apologize for not posting much. I’m still figuring this all out. Here’s what’s been happening… The first week after my last post was spent soul searching, looking up different degree programs, and working. The next two weeks were spent in Delaware visiting my Aunt Jennifer and John, my uncle. I had a great time and Delaware is beautiful. Ugh! The weather was so nice! It made me hate coming back home to this awful weather. To get to Delaware, my aunt arranged for me to fly up. When she told me, my thoughts were “Great!” and “How hard can it be to fly alone?” Hmmm… My first flight is tiny plane taking me to Atlanta. I’m cool as a cucumber as I board the plane and get seated. Then we start taking off and tears suddenly start streaming down my face. I laugh a bit at myself for being such a baby, but I still can’t stop crying. Since I have a window seat, I try to act like I’m just really into looking out the window, but I guess I was still obvious. When I finally calm down and glance at the guy next to me, he looks like he’s trying to avoid looking my way. Poor guy, I’m so awkward. My second flight, Atlanta to Philly, is better, but still nerve racking. The flight gets delayed and then they switch our gate, so I'm tired by the time we board. Finally, we touch down in Philadelphia and I immediately receive a text from my aunt saying they are there waiting for me. YAY!! : ) As soon as I’m in the car, I can tell I’m going to like this trip. Throughout my stay, my aunt asks me a million questions and challenges me to think about so much. What are my big-picture plans for the future? What are my smaller goals? What kind of jobs am I considering and why? Her questions aren’t really anything new. It’s the way she challenges me to go find an answer when I don’t have one. She shares stories about her life and tells me about the different decisions and experiences she feels led her to where she is today. Although Aunt Jennifer and John must work during the day, they both have home offices so I still get to see them and talk to them on their breaks. While they worked, I meander around, look up stuff for school, play with the dogs, go for walks, explore the tiny city (once unsuccessfully), and do stuff around the house. I should have attempted to explore the city more, but Aunt Jennifer lets me reorganize her basement so I lose track of time while I’m working on that. It is heaven. (If you know me, chances are you know I love to clean and organize… I. LOVE. IT.) In the evenings, we hang out together and laugh a lot… or at least I feel like I am laughing and smiling constantly. My aunt and uncle show me all around, tell me the history of their little city and some of the cool parts of Delaware’s history. We go to some really beautiful places and I meet some great people, but I think my overall favorite thing is the afternoon spent in Philadelphia with Aunt Jennifer. First, we go to the Reading Terminal Market. My first thought is something like “Aaaagghhhh! I LOVE THIS PLACE!” As we continue walking around, I simply fall more in love with the place. It’s so freaking cool! The cherry on top is Beiler’s Donuts. WHAAAAATT?!? Those are seriously the best donuts I’ve ever had. From there, we go to the Philadelphia Art Museum and see some really amazing pieces of art. I like Cy Twombly and a couple other artists whose I can’t remember. After that, Aunt Jennifer drives me around and shows me the city. She shows me all the places she lived in the city and takes me around some wicked cool areas. Before heading home, we stop at Geno’s in South Philly to get some Philly cheesesteaks for dinner. Right down the street from Geno’s is this amazing community garden, Harry O’s Passyunk Gardens, on the corner of Wharton and Passyunk. It’s a volunteer-run space that welcomes everyone and is just incredibly beautiful. The mission statement for the garden reads, “Harry O’s Passyunk Gardens seeks to provide an inclusive green space in the heart of South Philly where neighbors and visitors can participate in urban gardening and create a community-oriented environment. A volunteer run garden, participants share in caring for plants and community space, demonstrating the positivity that comes from collaboration.” It makes my heart sing! I handle my two flights home like a pro. Once home, I am warmly welcomed by Lee and Rexx, who both seem to have lost weight. YAY FOR REXX!! I’ve spent my week home trying to really get on top of picking a major to finish school with. My Aunt Jodi found some career assessment tools provided by my school, so I took both of the assessments and am meeting with someone today (Tuesday) to get my results and go over them. I’m excited to see what they say. I have, also, completely rearranged the front two rooms of my apartment! The energy and flow of the two rooms was just driving me CRAZY! So I finally got up and did something about it. It’s so much better now. If anyone is having trouble setting up their room, I highly recommend looking up some feng shui guidelines. It’s the only thing that has helped me in the last two places I’ve lived.
The last thing I have to say on here is this… SHUT THE HELL UP, MIKE JOHNSON! No matter how you amend your bill, it will always be crap. You need to take that hateful bill and shove it right where it belongs… into a trashcan! Hate is hate. No matter how you dress it up or what you call it, it’s still WRONG. There’s just no way you can think HB707 is how Christ wants us to show others his love. Get your head on straight, man! Get that HB707 crap out of here!! 4/10/2015 0 Comments The Return of my JoyHello again. Another two and a half weeks have passed so here I am. Last time when I posted, I was a bit down. However, I feel much better now thanks to some really cool things that happened in the last couple weeks.
First, I talked to my sister. Both times when I’ve blogged before, she has gotten a hold of me to say that she loves me, is praying for me, and brought it to my attention that I haven’t talk about God in either of the entries. So this last time, I thought and thought about it, wondering how to bring up God. I tried to type up an entry specifically about God and my beliefs, but I could just never get the words to fit right… which is not a normal thing for me. It usually doesn’t take me too long to figure out how to explain myself. So I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not time for a full entry dedicated to God. I don’t know if there ever will be one. Hopefully, as I grow closer to him, he will show up sprinkled more and more throughout my blogs. As for my beliefs… I love God and what he has revealed to me is to 1) Love God and 2) Love others. A friend posted a verse the other day that says it perfectly. “Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” Romans 13:10 (NASB) * I went back and read Romans 13 to make sure I used the verse in context and it’s exactly as it seems. That chapter is talking about how all the laws can be fulfilled by simply loving your neighbor. Next, I talked to my best friend, Madison. What a ray of sunshine. I told her how I miss the joy that I had years ago. I explained how I felt I’d been gifted with a spirit of joy, but that I’d thrown it away and abandoned that gift over the years. Mad said I hadn’t lost my joy because when God gives us gifts he doesn’t take them away. She said that thinking I’d lost that joy was me believing a lie that and I need to recognize that the joy still there. The talk we had wasn’t some big revolutionary thing, but it hit me like a brick. She’s right! Why hadn’t I seen it before? Since then, I’ve been feeling so much better! The things that were weighing me down before just seemed to roll of my shoulders… I was joyful again. I AM joyful again. I feel more like my old, happy self than I have in a long time. So that is how I got back the pep in my step. ^^^ I typed that earlier this week and forgot to post it, so here is a further update on what has happened in my life. I, also, got to go see Madison and the amazing Raiford family for a weekend and it was a HOOT AND A HOLLER! We had so much fun that when I came home, I literally went to sleep for almost an entire day. I always have so much fun with them. Every conversation with Madison is like a sarcastic whirlwind of fun and love. And every activity with her (no matter how small the task) ends up being a crazy fun adventure. I don’t even know how to better explain it. In addition to all that other wonderful stuff, I FINISHED REREADING THE HARRY POTTER SERIES!!!! Oh my gosh, I love those books. I love them so so much!! I was literally jumping up and down as I read the last chapter of the seventh book. I couldn’t even help it!! I can’t wait to go to Harry Potter World with Madison in October. It’s going to be amazing. Now, I’ve started Jim Gaffigan’s Dad Is Fat. Within the first few pages, I was already laughing so hard I’d started crying. This book is awesome. As I sit here typing, I can’t stop thinking about picking that book back up and reading more of it because it is so freaking funny. On top of everything else, I am in a state of constant nervous anticipation because I am leaving for Delaware next Saturday to stay with my amazing Aunt Jennifer for two weeks. I’m so very excited, but also nervous because I’m obsessed with my cat and I’ll be away from him for two weeks. I don’t think I’ve been away from him for that long since I got him. Even when I lived in Natchitoches for a year, I still came home and saw him every weekend. Sometimes, I’d even sneak him into my dorm room if I didn’t want to be an hour away from him. It’s lame, but he is definitely my cat-child, so whatever. Next on my list of life to-do’s is to figure out what major I want to finish college with AND, while I do that, get back into friggin’ shape. Oh my gosh am I out of shape. I hate it. Things are going pretty great though. I’m excited. I still have some ups and downs, but my downs aren’t nearly as frequent or as intense as they were for a long time. ---------------------- F R U S T R A T I O N ---------------------- Oh, but I can't sign out without adding something about this situation I've been hearing about.... I'd heard about Indiana becoming a huge joke by passing that ridiculous bill saying people can refuse service to the LGBT community because of "religious freedom." Okay Indiana, be a huge joke. However, now I'm getting word of local attorney, Mike Johnson, making some pretty hateful waves Louisiana all in the name of "religious freedom"... WHAT?!? So here's where I'll give my initial response to word on the street and then after I find the time and patience to sit down and read this stupid bill word for word, I'll give my educated opinion of it. >>> WHAT THE WHAT!??! You want to be able to act like assholes and get away with it under the blanket phrase "religious freedom", but where in the bible does it say to be mean and turn your backs on the LGBT community?!? IT DOESN'T!!! I don't care how many verses you want to throw at me with your interpretations saying that it's wrong to be gay. YOU STILL HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE HATEFUL TO PEOPLE!!!! Christ tells us repeatedly to love God and love others. ARE YOU LOVING OTHERS BY TURNING THEM AWAY??? Who are you to think you have such a right?? To think you deserve to do such a thing?? I have three different arguments AGAINST bills like this being passed that I won't put on here. If you'd like to hear them, feel free to comment on here or message me on Facebook. But there is one argument that I will post, this one is just a bunch of verses. Each chunk of verses I've put below are only sections, but if you feel the need to discuss or argue with the applicability of any of these verses, please, feel free to comment on here or message me on Facebook. I would love to prove you wrong. ----------------------------- V E R S E S ----------------------------- 1 My brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism. 2 For if a man comes into your assembly with a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and there also comes in a poor man in dirty clothes, 3 and you pay special attention to the one who is wearing the fine clothes, and say, “You sit here in a good place,” and you say to the poor man, “You stand over there, or sit down by my footstool,” 4 have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judges with evil motives? 5 Listen, my beloved brethren: did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? 6 But you have dishonored the poor man. Is it not the rich who oppress you and personally drag you into court? 7 Do they not blaspheme the fair name by which you have been called? 8 If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. 9 But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. 10 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all. 11 For He who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not commit murder.” Now if you do not commit adultery, but do commit murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. 12 So speak and so act as those who are to be judged by the law of liberty. 13 For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:1-13 (NASB) ---------- 11 Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor? James 4:11-12 (NASB) ---------- 13 For you, brethren, were [indeed] called to freedom; only [do not let your] freedom be an incentive to your flesh and an opportunity or excuse [for selfishness], but through love you should serve one another. 14 For the whole Law [concerning human relationships] is complied with in the one precept, You shall love your neighbor as [you do] yourself. Galatians 5:13-14 (AMP) ---------- 25 And then a certain lawyer arose to try (test, tempt) Him, saying, Teacher, what am I to do to inherit everlasting life [that is, to partake of eternal salvation in the Messiah’s kingdom]? 26 Jesus said to him, What is written in the Law? How do you read it? 27 And he replied, You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself. 28 And Jesus said to him, You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live [enjoy active, blessed, endless life in the kingdom of God]. 29 And he, determined to acquit himself of reproach, said to Jesus, And who is my neighbor? 30 Jesus, taking him up, replied, A certain man was going from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him of his clothes and belongings and beat him and went their way, [unconcernedly] leaving him half dead, as it happened. 31 Now by coincidence a certain priest was going down along that road, and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. 32 A Levite likewise came down to the place and saw him, and passed by on the other side [of the road]. 33 But a certain Samaritan, as he traveled along, came down to where he was; and when he saw him, he was moved with pity and sympathy [for him], 34 And went to him and dressed his wounds, pouring on [them] oil and wine. Then he set him on his own beast and brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 And the next day he took out two denarii [two day’s wages] and gave [them] to the innkeeper, saying, Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, I [myself] will repay you when I return. 36 Which of these three do you think proved himself a neighbor to him who fell among the robbers? 37 He answered, The one who showed pity and mercy to him. And Jesus said to him, Go and do likewise. Luke 10:25-37 (AMP) ---------- 28 ...he asked Him, Which commandment is first and most important of all [in its nature]? 29 Jesus answered, The first and principal one of all commands is: Hear, O Israel, The Lord our God is one Lord; 30 And you shall love the Lord your God out of and with your whole heart and out of and with all your soul (your life) and out of and with all your mind (with your faculty of thought and your moral understanding) and out of and with all your strength. This is the first and principal commandment. 31 The second is like it and is this, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these. Mark 12:28-31 (AMP) ---------- I feel like all of these verses really drive home the "Love God, Love others" point I made earlier. Anyways, that's it for now. I'll hopefully blog while I'm in Delaware, too. Let me know your thoughts below in the comments section. CLICK HERE TO COMMENT. 3/17/2015 2 Comments A Belated Update...Being new to the whole blog thing, I’m not sure how often I’m supposed to post, but I started thinking and decided once a week or every two weeks sounds good… What do you think? If somebody reads this, let me know what you think in a comment.
**I figured out how to comment. To save time, I added a link at the bottom.** Anyways, So here’s what I’ve been up to for the last week and a half.. WORK! I’ve been working, reading Harry Potter, planning trips, talking to my best friend, hanging out with my boyfriend, and playing with my awesome cat (Rexx). There was a bump in the road in the middle of all that, which led to me being down for a couple days. (Stupid bump.) But after getting over my bad mood, I came back to the one question that is constantly on my mind these days… What the cuss am I going to do with my life?? Hmmm… On my quest to answer this question, I turned to two wonderful women. One of them told me, “You are going to take an aptitude test. Then, we’ll sit down with your transcripts and figure out what degree you want.” So that settled that. The other suggested I get a book and take the quiz it provides so I can see what my major strengths are. I love stuff like this, so I ordered the book and eagerly awaited its arrival. After reading the book and taking the quiz, I have learned that my strengths are talking, meeting people, giving input, looking up things (learning), and being strategic. Now my goal has become finding a career that lets me do these things. I mean… If I had a career that allowed me to do all those things, I think I’d have so much fun! I have not taken the aptitude yet, but I’ve been doing other things. I’ve been planning trips! I’m going down to Baton Rouge soon. I’m supposed to go see my aunt for two weeks in April! I’m excited to get out of my element, be around her and her husband as they radiate coolness, and meet some of the women who have influences my aunt’s life. I’m also planning a trip to HARRY POTTER WORLD in October with my best friend and her brother!!! It’s going to be so awesome. I can’t freaking wait. I’ve been trying to figure out how to better use my “strengths” in my daily life. So far, I’ve decided I need to get off my butt and volunteer. This will allow me to talk, meet people, learn, and focus on others for a while. I’ve started looking up different organizations around the SBC area. I don’t know which one(s) I want to try out yet, but it’s exciting just getting started. So I guess that’s all I have to share for now. Comment and let me know how often to post on here. The link below is to simplify adding comments. *CLICK HERE TO COMMENT* 2/27/2015 0 Comments I will find myself!I can't think of a better way to start this blog than with my most recent self portrait from Instagram. Now... this semester, I'm taking time off to find myself and find my future. My mission statement for this semester off goes something like: "I will... love myself; have passion, fire, and joy; run and eat healthy; find myself and my future." As far as mission statements go, it's not all that wonderful. However, my goal when making it was not to have an awesome mission statement. My goal was/is to do all of the things listed. That list is my step by step process to get myself to a healthier place mentally, physically, and spiritually.
So how did all of this start? Why do I need a break or to "find myself"? Well, from my junior year of high school to what should have been my senior year of college, I dated a guy and I foolishly planned my whole life around him. After 5 1/2 years, being cheated on repeatedly, losing my self worth, and becoming depressed... I realized enough was enough. Lucky for me, my timing couldn't have been better. *sarcasm* My scholarship was just running out. I'd been going to school for an Elementary Education degree for four years and THEN I realize I do NOT want to teach. How did I realize this? Was it on my own? NO! Of course not. I'm far too hard headed for that. So here's what it took for me to realize I don't want to teach... PHASE ONE: I fail all my classes TWO SEMESTERS IN A ROW. PHASE TWO: My advisor tells me she thinks I'm being self destructive. PHASE THREE: I talk to my counselor about Phase One and Two. Then she asks, "If you could do anything you wanted for work and money wasn't an issue, what would you do?" Without missing a beat I say, "That's easy!! I'd form a clan and we'd travel the world helping people in whatever way they needed." My counselor looks at me and tells me she doesn't think education is where I want to be. I zoned out, thinking. A moment later I look at her and all I can say is "You're right..." So there you have it. My easy three step process to wasting four years of scholarship and $2000 of your own money. Yay! Anyways, that's how I got here. Where is here exactly? Here is finding myself. Here is self realization. Here is OH SNAP! Here is where I become myself again. Here is no longer in the shadow of a womanizing ass. Here is where I remember how strong, hardheaded, pushy, loud, joyful, funny, clever, incredibly smart, crazy, and INDEPENDENT I am!! Here is where I relearn to do things that make ME happy. Here is exactly where I want to be, exactly where I'm supposed to be, exactly where I NEED to be. Here is here. So that's the beginning and hopefully I'll remember to log on and share my findings with you... whoever you are. I made a blog once before, but it didn't really stick, so I guess I'll actually be gutsy this time and post this link on my Facebook or something. *A toast... to having balls this time.* CHEERS! If you've read this, I guess you could say something on here or Facebook just to let me know somebody saw it. ( First posted on 2/27/2015 ) |
I'm spent.I feel so spent right now. I cried a couple times today, not because anyone was mean or they upset me. I cried because a friend and I talked about a couple things lately that've been hard for me. Today was a good day until I cried... since then I've been mostly exhausted.
I know that crying is a normal thing people do and it can sometimes make people feel better. However, it is not a normal thing for me. Crying physically exhausts me. It emotionally exhausts me. If I were to sit around one day and cry off and on all day, I would probably need a full day afterwards to sleep it all off. I've had people say things like "It's not healthy to never cry" or "You need to allow yourself to feel your feelings/process your feelings/etc"... all of that might be true for other people, but crying all the time isn't an option for me. I feel physically ill now because I cried earlier. MY BODY DOES NOT DO WELL AFTER FEELING OVERWHELMED LIKE THAT! Recently I had I friend die. She was originally a teacher of mine, but we grew to be friends and I valued her so very much. When I found out she'd passed away, I wept. However, the crying allowed me to mourn the loss of her life and process that situation. That is one of the rare cases when crying does not wear me out. Crying then actually helped a lot. In normal situations where I have not lost something, I am usually just in a tricky situation or a stressful thing has happened, crying does not help. It stresses me out and adds to my already full plate. This is something I learned about myself today. I had an inkling before, but today really drove that inkling home. It's for sure now. |