Thoughts.
OUR LIVES BEGIN TO END THE DAY WE BECOME SILENT ABOUT THINGS THAT MATTER.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
11/3/2017 0 Comments Here We GoOkay friends, here it is...
Right now I am fighting a bogus DWI charge. Most of you probably know I got one previously and while I am grateful I recently got that one dropped, I was intoxiced that night and I shouldn’t have driven. However, this time is bs. I wasn’t drunk, not even close. I was exhausted, trying to get home but the officer had already decided I was just another drunk kid out on the town. When I tried to explain that I’m unable to pass a typical field sobriety test because of brain damage I received in Nov 2008 but am happy to take one where I’m not asked to do something I’m incapable of, he just yelled at me and said I was going to jail. This situation sucks, but it is what it is.... welcome to Shreveport I’m working now to hire an attorney that will help pull me out of this hole, but of course it’s going to cost. I’m saving every penny I make after saving for rent and bills and also trying to sell my car. My car is a bit beat up on the outside and needs an alignment, but other than that it’s in good shape. It’s a Subaru. It’ll run forever. Other than that, if anyone has some kind of odd job I can do, let me know.
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I'm spent.I feel so spent right now. I cried a couple times today, not because anyone was mean or they upset me. I cried because a friend and I talked about a couple things lately that've been hard for me. Today was a good day until I cried... since then I've been mostly exhausted.
I know that crying is a normal thing people do and it can sometimes make people feel better. However, it is not a normal thing for me. Crying physically exhausts me. It emotionally exhausts me. If I were to sit around one day and cry off and on all day, I would probably need a full day afterwards to sleep it all off. I've had people say things like "It's not healthy to never cry" or "You need to allow yourself to feel your feelings/process your feelings/etc"... all of that might be true for other people, but crying all the time isn't an option for me. I feel physically ill now because I cried earlier. MY BODY DOES NOT DO WELL AFTER FEELING OVERWHELMED LIKE THAT! Recently I had I friend die. She was originally a teacher of mine, but we grew to be friends and I valued her so very much. When I found out she'd passed away, I wept. However, the crying allowed me to mourn the loss of her life and process that situation. That is one of the rare cases when crying does not wear me out. Crying then actually helped a lot. In normal situations where I have not lost something, I am usually just in a tricky situation or a stressful thing has happened, crying does not help. It stresses me out and adds to my already full plate. This is something I learned about myself today. I had an inkling before, but today really drove that inkling home. It's for sure now. |