Thoughts.
OUR LIVES BEGIN TO END THE DAY WE BECOME SILENT ABOUT THINGS THAT MATTER.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
8/30/2017 0 Comments First MeetingI went to my first AA meeting yesterday. It was interesting meeting the people there and hearing their stories. While I don't always agree with the way they approach addiction and such, it quickly made me think about my higher power and all the blessings I've received. It made me glad that I pray each day and it reminded me that even though my houses got me to the place I am today, I've been quite gifted along the way.
Nate is someone I met simply because I'm hard headed and said I would lead a club even though I had no idea what I was doing. He came to the first meeting and kept coming back despite my disorganization as a leader. Then, he just happened to sit upstairs around the people I would hang out with between classes. It blows my mind that now we're so close and if he hadn't been persistent in finding an LGBT club on campus, we might not've become what we are today. While my family has always been pretty close, I had no idea growing up that I had so much in common with my aunts and they'd reach out in such a way that I'd one day be able to call for help like I have. I always saw my dad as such a clean cut guy, but now every time I go through something, he's right there with me in whatever way he can be. He gives advice, relates to me, and constantly reminds me that he's grown into the man he is today because he knew the kind of person he wanted to be and worked towards that. Frick! That's not so hard; I can do that too! I mean... this might all be gibberish and most of it sounds like pretty standard stuff, but I'm still so grateful for it all. It's just... so beautiful to me. The life I've built so far may not be where I thought I'd be at 25, but now that I'm here I'm glad this is my life. Even with my recent mishaps that will make things harder, I'm appreciative of where I am. One day, my story will be a tale of conquering the everyday crap we all go through and I'll be proud of it.
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I'm spent.I feel so spent right now. I cried a couple times today, not because anyone was mean or they upset me. I cried because a friend and I talked about a couple things lately that've been hard for me. Today was a good day until I cried... since then I've been mostly exhausted.
I know that crying is a normal thing people do and it can sometimes make people feel better. However, it is not a normal thing for me. Crying physically exhausts me. It emotionally exhausts me. If I were to sit around one day and cry off and on all day, I would probably need a full day afterwards to sleep it all off. I've had people say things like "It's not healthy to never cry" or "You need to allow yourself to feel your feelings/process your feelings/etc"... all of that might be true for other people, but crying all the time isn't an option for me. I feel physically ill now because I cried earlier. MY BODY DOES NOT DO WELL AFTER FEELING OVERWHELMED LIKE THAT! Recently I had I friend die. She was originally a teacher of mine, but we grew to be friends and I valued her so very much. When I found out she'd passed away, I wept. However, the crying allowed me to mourn the loss of her life and process that situation. That is one of the rare cases when crying does not wear me out. Crying then actually helped a lot. In normal situations where I have not lost something, I am usually just in a tricky situation or a stressful thing has happened, crying does not help. It stresses me out and adds to my already full plate. This is something I learned about myself today. I had an inkling before, but today really drove that inkling home. It's for sure now. |